Redneck Solutions to Gender Equality
July 8, 2017
Caution! Do not try this at home. This type of installation usually causes 4th of July sparklers followed by a guaranteed instant blackout. Only untrained and non-professionals like myself have the adequate bravado to tackle such a project.
I know almost everybody feels the need to be safe. But sometimes you just have to throw away the rule book in order to get the job done. I find myself in pickles at least twice a day and have learned to improvise on the fly in order to get my projects completed.
Years ago I visited a business that had asked me to modify one of my products that was mounted on their truck. This required welding. So, I hauled my welder to their shop. In order to make my welder plug hook up to their electrical receptacle, I could see this less-than-an-hour-long job was going to take a good three weeks if I followed the Man’s rules.
Included requirements were locating and hiring an electrician, finding an electrical engineer to draw up a complete set of schematics, applying for a permit, and then jumping through the never-ending hoops that come standard with most inspectors.
And this would just be the beginning of my troubles! Scheduling all these “professionals” would put the completion of the job out about three weeks. In addition, I could see this routine would probably end up with a hot debate vis a vis the business owner concerning who is going to pay for the complex installation of a compatible receptacle by union professionals.
Now some of you might say, “Why didn’t you just change the plug on your welder?” And I would counter with the fact that I had the plug I wanted on my machine and I had a position to defend just like the inspectors do. I would be compromising my principles if I capitulated and changed to a plug that would fit the offending receptacle. Additionally, it would not be compatible with my own shop’s wiring.
So, in 30 seconds I created a temporary fix that worked great. But I must warn you, don’t try this at home. My experience is whenever I venture into unknown electrical territory like this, a little less than half the time I end up with a gizmo that actually works. The other half of the time I end up cannonized through the air, shocked out of my realm of comfort by what seems like zillions of volts and amps. This is especially true if I’m standing in a wet puddle at launch time.
I like the challenge of venturing into the crazy world of redneck solutions, especially electrical. You might ask, “How do you keep from getting locked up?”
I have found that after you do something really stupid, you can get past your glaring error if you are still able to cling to a conscious state. You simply come up with an excuse that takes people aback yet probably makes no sense to anyone in the trades. Before they have time to think and retort, try throwing in some technical jargon they’re not familiar with.
They might shift into neutral or even backtrack and your smokescreen will usually get you out of the jam you’ve been stirred up in. They don’t want to look as stupid as the thing you just did.
So what did I do with the foreign female receptacle? I found me a piece of green ground wire in my pickup and in two minutes I wired on to the male plug (see picture), inserted the new apparatus, got the welder cranked up and was ready to go. It wasn’t code but I had the complete job finished in a half hour instead of three weeks.
Luckily there were no inspectors around.
I thought the conversion was good enough that had an electrical inspector walked by, he might compliment me on my work, especially the pretty green color of the wires. It was so picturesque, I snapped a picture to show my electrician friends.
And there was no doubt I’d be ok if the inspector was a greenie like the wires.
In today’s politically correct world, some will fault me for referring to the cobwebbed and dusty receptacle as “female” and the nice, clean plug as “male”. I will probably be criticized for stereotyping and promoting one gender over another.
In today’s upside down world with anything goes and whatever floats your boat concerning the subject of gender, I’ve gradually come to the conclusion that you can call anything related to the sexes whatever you want. A caveat to that is that you better be spot-on with your label of what they want to be called or you’re in deep do-do.
I’m so confused by the queer labels (their word, not mine) that many are giving themselves that I am learning not to be surprised by anything.
AC/DC is no longer in vogue. DAC/C, C/DCA, AD/CC, /DCAC…the possibilities vary as widely as the people who want to change their polarity or voltage.
It’s no longer standard 110 volts or 220 volts but more like clueless Michael Keaton said in the old movie Mr. Mom. “Volts? It’s 220, 221. What ever it takes.” The sky is the limit in today’s world.
Nope, it’s not like it used to be. A male-boy-man was easy to understand and all in the same category. A male plug had a protrusion. A female-girl-woman was also easy to understand and even easier to look at. A female plug had a receptacle.
But not now. Fewer and fewer plugs and receptacles are well-grounded. Nothing is as it seems. Electricity flows in completely different ways than it did when Adam and Eve were around.
So, I project that any day we’re going to have to start embracing the terminology shift in electrical jargon to comply with politically correct labels. This will be done to help those who are in the closet kick the door open and come out of the closet.
Which brings to mind the question: If people spend so much time in the closet, what kind of electrical receptacles are in the closet and does current codes require closet fixtures to have a polarity switch?
And while we’re on the subject, is using a three-pronged extension cord that goes outside the closet door still within code? And what should the landlord do if the cord gets pinched in the door jam and the closet dweller can’t come out, even though they want to?
I wonder what the electrical industry is going to do when the LBGTQ people start zeroing in on them for incorrectly determining the sex of this plug or that receptacle?
Maybe it will divert the attention of electrical inspectors just enough that they lose interest in red-tagging my work.
Like they say, there’s always a silver lining to storm clouds. I just hope when those clouds start raining, that silver lining will keep my electrical modifications from getting wet.
In conclusion, I must state that this post is made with complete satire and jest in mind and strictly aimed at humorous aspects of life. Electricity is a dangerous force and great care must be used around it. Inspectors and electrical professionals are essential in maintaining a safe environment.
Don’t forget to make sure you’re eligible for next week’s drawing for $500!
If you were offended by this post, read on…
Honestly, I feel bad for those who are upside down and miserable in their sexual identity quandary. It’s a big deal in their lives. But I am of the opinion that in the free-wheeling and multitudinous options of today’s society, many of the available choices may seem attractive but lead to even greater inner turmoil.
Suicide rates are far higher for transgenders than others. I’m of the opinion they have issues that are often exacerbated by “solutions” offered by the world.
I often poke fun at myself and once in a while at others. I have to. One of my particular and unfortunate leanings is to not make good decisions in everyday life. This had led me to a lot of pain, grief, regrets and costly blunders. Because it is so apparent, I’ve had to learn to accept my propensities and just carry on.
Most people pack a lot of pride and would be horrified if others knew of their weak points. It’s impossible for me to do that. So I just shrug and agree that I’m an idiot. I have no other choice or explanation for my dilemma.
We’re all different. Differences can generate hate and anger. But they can also be funny, interesting, and even endearing. I write about what I observe, especially if others have put themselves and their agenda in the public eye.
I don’t believe anyone should be persecuted for what they believe or who they are. I don’t buy into political correctness, especially when it is forced down other’s throats. I do believe we are all children of God and are entitled to Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it, regardless of your particular polarity.
…So on Christmas morning when I got up, my grandpa steered me toward my stocking. He was more excited than I was for me to stick my hand in the stocking to discover its contents.
I jammed my hand and arm down the big sock. When I pulled it out, I was clutching a big gob of horse manure, just like the little boy in the story. However, I had a little different reaction that horrified my parents…