Recovering Idiot "Buy The Book"

Everyone who's bent needs a place to vent. This is my place.

Subtle Enough Tat?


I drew two potential $500 winners today. Results are at the bottom of the page.

I think I messed up.  I’m sure by looking at this picture you’ll understand my predicktamint.

This pic is of me and my grandson Sammy.  For the past year I’ve been trying to come up with a unique, cheap, and original yet classy way to market my book. The solution popped into my head last week. So what I’m wondering is…did I do it right? Or should I have gone for a full color tat? The black ink price was a lot cheaper but now I’m think that it looks, well…cheap.

When I was a kid, once every two or three years, I would see somebody, usually an old retired Navy vet, with a tattoo on one of his arms. I didn’t understand why a guy would want to look like a permanent cancelled postage stamp.

As the last decade or so has flown by, I’ve been more and more stymied as wave after wave of mostly younger non-Navy types have enlisted for the stamped and cancelled look.

I  don’t get it. If I wear my favorite shirt more than 3 days in a row, the people I see every day start griping about my lack of wardrobe creativity. Even I get tired of seeing the same threads as days go by.

Because of this reality, I found it hard not to shake my head when I saw guys and dolls with never-leaving colored ink plastered on their appendages, trunks and head quarters.

And then, if the tattoo dude messes up, the problem multiplies.


Instead of dealing with all the other pressures that come with mortal existence, I’m afraid my life would be centered around buying only long-sleeved shirts and talking to the doc about skin grafts or maybe even an amputation.

And then there’s the piercing. I never saw holes punched in bodies except for minuscule holes on women who wore earrings. Now, everywhere I go, I feel like I’m looking through an old National Geographic with page after page of tribal natives who have unfathomable holes in punched in various and sundry parts of their body.

Everywhere I go, I see metal and jewels clanging around or riveted into skin at various locals.

It is hard enough for me to blow my nose, clear my sinuses or wash my face without a ring, bead or pin complicating things. I’ve had pneumonia nine or ten times. This requires a sinus and nose clearing on a regular basis. I can’t imagine trying to maneuver around hardware every time I need to attend to a body part.

But now that I’ve mortgaged our home to finance my book-promoting tat, I hope book sales will increase enough that I can buy a plywood sander. I’m pretty sure it will take most of the forehead ink off and maybe even sand down a few wrinkles. Once I get the process perfected, I’ll call my son Derek and get him working on patenting the process.

I conducted another drawing today. I’m tired of drawing non-winners, one of them getting drawn TWICE! So tired that I switched random number-generator sites in hopes the new site would be more successful.

The first number was 45 which went to one of my relatives. She’s the daughter of a cousin of mine. Her name is Jackie Anderson. However, I don’t think she’s an eligible winner as she quit doing Facebook awhile back and is probably not one of my blog followers. If I’m wrong, let me know, Jackie, and I’ll spring for the $500.

So I spun the wheel again. 860 popped up. Marian Royall from Kodiak Alaska was the pick. I don’t know how Marian became my Fb friend. It doesn’t look like we have any friends in common but there must have been some connection along the way. Marian, if you are one of my blog followers, let me know and I’ll send you 500 bucks.

As I count through my facebook friends each week to find the winning name, I noticed so many names that I would really like to land on. A few of them could really use the dough. Most of them are really good friends who I could relate a story or two about as I handed over the cash.

A few of them have died. If they were blog followers before they checked out, I guess I’d have to give the money to their kids.

I’ve got one or two Fb friends that I’ve gotten crosswise with over the years. As I glide across their names in my hunt for the winning name, each time I’ve wondered if I would hand them the cash if they truly won. Each time this happens, I decide that of course I would! This way when the so-and-so hit the pearly gates, I could give this example to Saint Pete that at least one time in my life I did the honest and upright thing. I handed cash over to someone that I could very easily have skipped.

And then again, if their name popped up as the weekly winner, I really doubt they would be a blog follower. So I guess the decision would not be all that hard. But at least Peter can look down and scroll through this blog and see that I’m a man of my word.

I want to make sure no one gets hurt by me slipping them through the cracks of no-cash due to my love of money.



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