I’m going to bypass tradition and start at the last of today and work backwards toward this morning.

Stopping at Winco in Richland this evening, I got a wild hair to see if this outfit would sell my book. I moseyed on over to the customer service/alcohol dispensary and asked for the manager. The lady called for Chris to hasten thither. I stood and waited. A guy came out of a side door and headed my way. I figured maybe it was Chris. I took a step sideways to try to get a better visual angle at his name tag. Suddenly I heard a very loud tinkling kind of crash in very close proximity to my location.

My sidestep had taken my body mass toward a multi-layered shelf full of liquor and other adult beverages. My heart sank as I realized I might be paying for a sizable quantity of booze without the benefit of inebriation.

Every bottle and can on all three rows was overturned, hanging over the sides and just generally looking drunk. I began grabbing those items that looked like they were ready to hit the floor. A Winco employee ran over and we started standing all the containers back up.

I muttered to the guy that I was sorry and ended by telling him that as always, me and alcohol just didn’t get along. Not a drop was spilled.

Chris showed up shortly after. He couldn’t help me but referred me to Never Never Land, just like all the other chain stores have done. It’s also known as the home office.

Just before Winco, I continued my book crusade by stopping in at a Bible bookstore in the Uptown shopping center. Just before that, I stopped in at another Bible bookstore in Kennewick. Both establishments were nice to me but I felt like a fish out of water since they were Christian bookstores. This may be a surprise to some of you but I’m also a Christian, specifically a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.

I’m aware of a few of the rather stark differences between the two camps, especially from their point of view. For this reason, as I shared a brief synopsis of the book contents, I did a full disclosure and notified them the flavor and brand of the church I attend. I didn’t want them misled.

Neither threw me out. Both suggested I leave a book and their manager would let me know. As I walked out, I wondered how long it would take them to throw it in the dumpster.

Prior to the religious stops, I stopped at the Bookworm. The owner told me to leave a box of books and she’d see how they moved. She didn’t throw me out either. Before I got out of the store, a lady bought one of the books I’d just dropped off. I saw the owner’s right eyebrow go up about an inch and a half.

Pre-Bookworm, I stopped in at Ranch and Home. I left a box of books there in December but they got shoveled into an area that looked like a salesman’s outer darkness. It just didn’t seem like a good merchandising spot to me. I figured the entire stock I had left would be waiting for me to carry them back out when I returned.

I walked to the aisle they were in before. Everything was changed. I walked around. I asked employees. No one knew a thing. Finally I found Elvira, the sweet lady I had left them with.

“Where’s the books?” I asked. “They’re all gone.” She answered. I argued with her and then told her to quit playing with me. She repeated again that they were gone.

I was shocked. She said they sold out  a month ago but didn’t know how to get in touch with me. It was cool. I danced a little jig with her and then carried two more cases of books in and restocked their shelves. This time, the books went in a much better location. All in all, it was a pleasant surprise.

Earlier, I dropped two more boxes off at Country Mercantile. This book deal isn’t dead yet.

And now, for the highlight of the day. I hit the dermatology clinic for a look at my ear. The doc said “Yeah, we gotta get that thing off.” I asked him what it was. I was hoping for something like a benign cyst or a mad freckle. He said “It looks to me like basal cell cancer.”

Now this is the first time anyone has ever accused me of having cancer. I didn’t know how to react. He didn’t act like it was a big deal which sort of set my mind at ease. That is until I thought of my dear brother-in-law Todd who is in the fight of his life with cancer right now. That got me a little stirred up.

He said “We’ll send it to the lab. If we send you a letter in three or four weeks, you don’t have cancer. If we call you before that, then we’ve got a problem.”

I was a little bothered but then decided that I would take steps to alleviate the entire situation.

I just won’t answer my phone if they call me. I am so grateful for smart phones so I don’t have to guess who the caller is.

I just hope I didn’t get things too stirred up with the Basal crew when I liquid nitrogened, bread tie strangled, dental flossed and toothpick winched up the mound of them and then lastly, stuck the dry ice on their home base for a good fifteen minutes. Them Basal’s are tough.

I’ll be praying for a letter instead of a phone call.

Stay tuned.