Recovering Idiot "Buy The Book"

Everyone who's bent needs a place to vent. This is my place.

What kinda family I got, anyhow?

What kinda family I got, anyhow?

I looked through my blog followers this morning and was surprised I only had a couple of siblings as followers.

I think the deadheads and their spouses are skeptical that if their name is picked, they won’t get the 500 bucks for one of two reasons:

First reason: They think I’m a deadbeat and wouldn’t pay up. Little do they know I just got a check in the mail that I’m going to use to fund this project. As soon as I run it to the bank tomorrow (24 hours), I will no longer be a deadbeat.

I’ve got to remember to send Cliff a thank-you note.


I whited-out my company name that was below my name since the funds were intended to be used for equipment purchases and now won’t be. I did this just to throw the bank off.

I’m planning on having a blast with the proceeds so I whited-out “Funded” and now it just says “Fun in 24 hours”.

I’m going to stop by the grocery store and load up our van with cardboard boxes since I’m going to need them as I want it all in five-dollar bills. This way the IRS won’t find out.

It will also look more impressive as I walk out of the bank. Can anyone tell me how many boxes I’ll need for 300,000 five dollar bills? I’ll give you $5 if you can but do it but this little cash giveaway ends as soon as I leave for the bank tomorrow. (You don’t have to be a blog follower for this one)

I did call the bank so they could get ready to cash my check. I wanted to make sure they had enough 5’s to cover it. Something is wrong with their phone line as it kept going dead as soon as I started talking. Oh well, I think they caught the gist of my message.

The second reason my siblings aren’t buying into my contest:  They think I would never dare to announce one of my own family as the winner. They are wrong.

I announced from the beginning that as soon as I drew a bonafide blog-following, blog-sharing winner, regardless of who they are, they would get the money. I don’t care if it’s my wife, one of my four ugly sisters, my good-looking sister, my three mostly-illiterate and down-on-their-luck loser brothers or even myself.

If I draw my own name, I think I’ll up the prize money a bit. Perhaps a million five.

So here is me and my siblings. I’m the one in pink.

Image may contain: 9 people, people smiling, people standing and suit

Another big blog disappointment to me is my kids and grand kids. Not only have they not signed up to follow the blog but when I ask them if they’ve seen my latest post, they ask if I’m talking about my fence post or battery post. Then they want to know where I last saw it.


My nephews and nieces aren’t much better. To them I say:


“If I draw one of you for the $500 prize and you lose out because you aren’t a follower, you’ll regret it. Not only will you lose out on the cash but I will rub it in mercilessly until you or I die. I will even leave instructions at my funeral for you to be duct-taped inside my casket with me for the viewing and services. You’ll be let out just before they start shoveling dirt.”

I have a very strong feeling that this coming Saturday is going to be the day I pay out $500 in $5 bills.

If you still haven’t taken 30 seconds to follow the rules and jump through the hoops, your loss may be someone else’s gain. Look around the blog for the rules.

I’m getting excited already for the drawing on Saturday. However, I might not make it. I don’t know how much more pre-draw excitement my heart can take.

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