So I haven’t been able to blog but I’ll try to get it started back up again. It’s been 3 months since a post. I’m sure you’ve all enjoyed the vacation. Finally sold out of my first edition so I went big and got in a semi-load of books. Being self-published is a tough job. The only thing that’s made it a little easier is the response I’ve gotten.

Saturday I’m doing a book signing in Kennewick at the new location for Fountain Books.

https://www.facebook.com/FountainBook/photos/gm.1486486238163079/10156535340398859/?type=3

I was able to drum up a few endorsements that are included in the new edition.

Endorsements:

Michelle Ainge (Mother of six and wife of NBA star Danny Ainge)
“Danny doesn’t endorse books but I’ll endorse this one. Ben’s book was a fun read! His antics made me laugh out loud and exhausted me. I like hearing people’s stories and his is a crazy one.”

Greg Gibson (First U of WA athlete and among the earliest Americans to run a sub 4-minute mile)
“Reading is hard work for me but I couldn’t put this book down! Talk about a perpetual accident waiting to happen! That is Ben in a nutshell. Keep a towel close by. You will cry from laughing so hard.”

Brandon “Bullet” Mackay (F-15 pilot, USAF Lt. Col.)
“This book is unbelievably true! Casper has cheated death more than any other pilot I’ve known. I had to limit myself to two
chapters per night.”

Steve Phipps (Holder of 19 Arm Wrestling World Championships, 9 Right and 10 Left, including a rare “Double-Double”,winning World Titles in Wrist wrestling and Arm wrestling with both arms the same year)
“Casper brings his stories to life and you are sure to get many smiles, chuckles and ‘What was he thinking?’ during your journey along with Ben. I highly recommend Recovering Idiot. Enjoy the adventure!”

Tom Clyde (National Intercollegiate Rodeo Steer Wrestling Champion-1974)
“I loved Recovering Idiot and highly recommend it. Filled with wit and humor that brings you to tears, it is very entertaining
and one of those reads you cannot put down. To me however, the most impressive and inspiring message of the book is the impact of the real life drama of a man who has experienced incredible pain, failures and many defeating setbacks in life.
In spite of such opposition, his determined will to pick himself up time and again and press forward is a powerful testament of
his resilient attitude and approach to life. Ben is one who refuses to give up and accept defeat. His unconquerable spirit to
persevere is a great inspiration to me. If the reader fails to pick up on that reoccurring theme in this book then its most powerful
and motivating message will be missed.”

Stephen Beus (Internationally acclaimed concert pianist)
“Equal parts entertaining and horrifying. After reading this book, I wasn’t sure whether I should laugh or cry –or run to Home Depot and buy some sturdy tie downs for the author’s pickup. A great read!”

David Ottley (Nuclear Physicist)
This book is scientific, albeit anecdotal, proof that Darwin’s theory of natural selection is incorrect. If Darwinism were true, Ben would have been eliminated from the gene pool long ago. It could also be classified as a religious book, as the fact that Ben
is still alive is proof of modern miracles – God must have a purpose for this man. I wholeheartedly recommend this well-written book for your reading enjoyment.”

William York (SE PE, Missile Guidance Engineer)
“I thoroughly enjoyed reading Recovering Idiot! It’s fun to read, well-written and shows what crazy adventures lie ahead if we believe in ourselves and don’t overthink the problems.”

Heidi Young (German Baptist mother of six)
“Coming from a conservative background without many of the modern entertainment inventions in our home, our boys have spent hours reading and rereading Recovering Idiot. Any spare time they get from farm work and daily chores, they will come
into the living room and pick up the well-read book and get a quick dose of humor. We got it a little over a year ago. It is just about worn out. We just got a new book so the kids can keep reading.”

Ben Archibald (Former NFL and CFL player. Now owns bookstores in CA, NV and WA)
“After 11 years playing professional football, I’ve known some real characters! Ben is one of the craziest and this book will open your eyes to a whole new way of life. Recovering Idiot weaves the most idiotic decisions in life into a wonderful read that will lighten your heart and bring new appreciation to having common sense!”

From friends of Ben…
Kyle Huwe: “I laughed so hard, tears were running down my leg!”
Sonja Hansen: “We’ve been waiting 60 years for this.”
Scot Haws: “I see no signs of recovery.”
Brianne Huwe: “A great experience…I laughed to the point of tears!”
Kola Robinson: “Funniest book I’ve ever read.”

I’m sure you all remember Calvin from precious posts. Here’s a text I got from my sister-out-law a while back:

It’s been a good week. I got a wild hair to quit parking vehicles on our lawn and made an instant transition from a redneck lawnparker to a sophisticated gentleman who now owns a parking lot. In order to provide more parking area, I ripped our deck out and transported it to a new resting place until I have time to reclaim the lumber.

Michele doesn’t like extra stuff around. I do because you never know when you’re going to need something you haven’t used for 30 years. So she stuck some of my prized possessions on the street.

10 minutes after this picture was taken, my stuff had vanished. Whoever stole my little one-legged scooter, my half-filled bucket of hardened paint, my old fan and my 3 buckets of used red rock, please return them. Otherwise, I’m calling the cops and reporting the theft.

On my wife and whoever took my goodies. Michele should not be giving my hard-earned property away.

The only damage on this trip was a stiff neck from going in reverse since I couldn’t see anything going forward. I don’t think I could make this particular trip fly if I lived in Seattle.

The next mile-long trip was also made in reverse.

I then ripped our lawn out to make even more room for the new parking lot.  Paved paradise and put up a parking lot 

We got word that one of our kids in Phoenix had their A/C go out. They sent us this photo of their oldest seeking shelter from the heat. Zoom in just above the salad dressing and meet Jett.

We are getting ready to bust out our latest product. Here’s a vid showing our improvised sheet metal corrugator we built followed by action around my work space yesterday that got converted into a heliport for 19 fill-ups of non-organic toxins. I forgot to warn the pilot about the power line just in front of him stretched over to the spud shed.

I love the smell of chemicals wafting in the clear morning air. Without them, the world would go hungry, organic marketers keep raking in the cash and clueless people pay through the nose. With them, weeds and bugs die, crops thrive and  people live without hunger.

And lastly, a vid we just finished making of another new contraption we’re rolling out…

 

This morning I decided to try my new turbo propane burner. I burnt some weeds around the edge of our lawn which unintentionally got some dry weeds and cheat grass carbonizing in the brisk breeze. The dry weeds were on my sister’s lot which doubles as my parking lot for excess vehicles.

The excess vehicles I had parked (without permission) on this particular day were my backhoe, a 3-axle equipment trailer, my fairly new Tundra pickup along with my fairly old and totaled Tundra. Also, my Corvette was parked on the same lot. I’ve always thought that the Vette gives just a little bit of class to my redneck parking lot.

Because of the dry and flammable conditions, I turned on a faucet, stretched the hose out to the edge of our grass and started spraying down my sibling’s lot to keep the vehicles safe. In order to provide adequate emergency fire suppression, I had to apply substantial pressure at the end of the hose with my thumb so the water would jet out just enough to douse the flames.

I eliminated most of the smoke and flames with my garden-hose efforts. I figured it was good enough and since the fire had already made us late, Michele and I headed for our high school class reunion. I was looking forward to seeing all the old friends.

Some have died. Most don’t care and a few more just couldn’t make it. My class had a tad over 5% at the picnic.

I have learned through vast experience that most longtime friends are not as lonesome for company as I must be. There have been times when I’ve spent a lot of time trying to track down acquaintances from the past. Usually, they are not near as excited to hear from me as I was to renew our friendship as I tracked them down.

As I thought about it tonight, I would guess that same reunion average of 5% probably also applies to friends from the past who want to hear from me. Most just don’t have the drive to socialize and reminisce with past pals. So I guess class reunions are for the socially needy 5% like me who like to stay in touch with old friends.

Admittedly, this situation has always kind of bugged me. However, after thinking about it tonight, I realize that all these past pals are not the ones with the problem. I am. In spite of the new facts I’ve just come to grips with, I’ll probably keep going to the get-togethers until I die.

So there was a guy there that I’ve been good friends with for decades. However, a couple of years ago I posted a piece on Facebook about how the Clinton’s trashed the White House when they were leaving at the end of their rainbow term. I wondered aloud if Obama was going to do the same? The truth is when looking back, I don’t think that stuff ever happened but it was entertaining news at the time.

Other people posted on my thread, making fun of the Clintons which ticked my buddy off. I guess during the time since I had last talked to him, he had gone from Rep to Demo on me. Because of the other’s comments, he blew up and deleted me as a friend. I messaged him and apologized to no avail. I chalked him up as having a shaky and shallow foundation.

I wondered if he would be at the reunion and still harbor a grudge. He was and did. It so happened that a lady at the get-together was talking to this same guy as I stood in back of them; ten feet in front of her but behind him. I could hear her say “There’s Ben Casper, his book is the funniest book I’ve ever read.”

I was pleased to get the endorsement but also knew this was a critical moment concerning me and this guy. If he turned around, I figured we were still buds. If he didn’t, our friendship was toast just like those weeds I had burned earlier in the day.

He didn’t turn around. It put a damper on my socialistic mood for a few minutes but after lunch, I decided to make or break the relationship. I located him, walked over and started talking to him. The friendship thawed and even warmed back up. I’m glad I made the effort as I can deduct him from my list of icy former pals.

We drove home from the reunion about 5 hours later. As I pulled into my driveway, I could see one of my neighbors was standing by my sister’s lot, trying to spray the smoking dry grass that had come back to life during our absence. I told Sandy thank-you and took over the hose. I was grateful everything was still intact. That fiberglass Corvette body would have notified me with smoke signals at the reunion 20 miles away if it had caught fire.

 

 

The other night we dined at our local Red Robin. Each time, before walking through the door, I promise myself I’m not going to take them up on their unlimited offer of Strawberry Freckled Lemonade and accompanying straws. Because of all the calories each unit packs, inwardly I know that by partaking of this All-you-can-drink offer, I will die a premature death.

But as soon as I sit down and open the menu, I’m a dead man.

As a lifelong Mormon, I’ve tried to adhere to our faith’s Word of Wisdom. I know it’s a good thing since I’ve watched far more than one friend suffer and die because they let alcohol, tobacco or drug addiction take them down the road to the morgue.

I’m glad to have been raised in the church. Without it, I’m pretty sure I would have ended up on that same cold slab after trekking down that same long and winding road. There are also a bunch of other reasons that I’m grateful for my church membership. These are also usually dismissed in a split second without careful consideration.

When I walk into a Red Robin, all bets are off. The Word of Wisdom takes a back seat to unlimited freckled lemonades and the beckoning Whiskey Burger that is so beautifully pictured on the menu.

So against my better judgement last Thursday, I ordered the old standbys. However, when the first round of drinks landed, I noticed there was no straw.

I have to have a straw for several reasons. A plastic straw is essential to stir and pulverize the strawberries. It is also impossible to suck the berries off the bottom of the glass with your lips alone.

In fact, if you don’t have a straw, you shouldn’t be calling them strawberries. If the straw is missing, the berries don’t get strawed and just lay lifeless at the bottom of the glass. Since cubes of ice make up 90% of the contents of the glass, the berries never make it to the top. Unless I have a straw.

Another good reason for the straw is so you don’t have to stick your lips on the glass that may or may not have been washed clean from the germs and diseases of the hundreds of thousands of glass lickers before you. Without the straw, I might as well just walk around the restaurant and lock lips with all the other patrons, no matter what communicable diseases they are packing. Mustaches, cold sores, rotten teeth, lipstick, and other maladies have been present on those same glass edges.

I want my straw.

Since I couldn’t get the attention of our waitress, I got up from our table and went on safari for a straw. I finally trapped another waitress in her cash register cubicle and asked for a straw. She told me that they were no longer getting straws by the truckload and there were none available. She handed me a fork and told me to stir it up with that.

I sat down and tried to manhandle the forkberries. Didn’t work. It’s just not the same and I can’t suck the bottom-dwelling berries up with a fork.

About then our waitress appeared and I demanded a straw. She informed me that the reason for the sudden straw shortage was the libbers on the west side had passed a law that they could not longer give out straws. The Dems were trying to copy the California liberal kings who previously had passed no-straw laws.

In fact, according to her, the WA legislature has created a $60 fine every time a Red Robin or anyone else hands out a one-cent straw without being asked for one. It seems the oceans are getting filled with plastic and this is their way of cleaning up the problem.

I’m sure by fall they’ll have straw police running around watching everybody’s drinking glass.

However, on the very morning of our RR visit, I read that the US contributes a very small amount of the plastic in the ocean. Something less than 5%. And in the USA ocean-going plastic, a minuscule amount like .002% is made up of straws. As usual, they’ve totally missed the mark.

Straw hoax

And since I’m tirading, the liberals are way off on another one of their up-to-the-minute blame games. They love to affix every problem that pops up around us on global warming. However, the very policies they have pushed have created this firestorm.  I’ll say no more.

The real reason for so many fires

 

 

 

I’m a little hot. Who isn’t in July?

Every night on the news they talk about the weather like it’s never been this bad before. The world is heating up so badly we should elect liberals so they can cool it off.

Even the local news makes a big deal out of temps. Every night it’s like “We are approaching record temperatures across our area!!!!!” It’s just not true. Why don’t they just say “Well, it’s been another average day?”

Take our local weather man Tim Adams. I know he needs to make the weather exciting so they can sell ads. I guess in order to keep the ratings up, he has to shoot for the stars which must be located at the very top of the thermometer. Tim’s a nice guy. Too nice.

Instead of standing up to his boss and saying “For once, I am not going to tell our viewers that we are breaking all kinds of heat records across the Columbia Basin. I’ve been doing that since Obama got elected and it’s just hot air. No, I’m just going to do what’s right and say ‘It’s been another average day. Sorry folks, that’s all I’ve got.”

Like I said, Tim is a nice guy. I know this because he managed the college apartment complex I lived in back in 1976 called the Elms. 42 years ago never once did I hear Tim say “Well, Ben I can see we’re going to have another hot record breaking day today.”

Never once. Now I hear it every night.

When I hear these doomsday predictions about the heat, I scratch my head. I remember the summer of ’68 when I just about bit the big one and it was hot. Bona Fide Hot.

I was in traction and a body cast all summer. You don’t know what hot is until you spend the warmest days of summer sweltering inside a cast from your nips to your toe tips.

I have no idea why I was smiling.

Maybe it’s because back then, the experts said we were in danger of global cooling.

Check out the record highs and tell me the high temperatures of July 6 and 7th. They were record breakers up to this very day. They occurred in 1968 while I was in the plaster straight jacket.

Sit ups were impossible. I was in a straightened-out position for almost two months. If my ankle was itched, I ran a hanger down my cast and moved the other end of the straightened-out hanger located at chest level. That was the only way I could get relief in the ankle area. Not only did the body cast make it hotter than a jalapeno but it also made it harder for a BM. And I’m not talking about Ben and Michele.

 

Date	Average Low	Average High	Record Low	Record High	Average Precipitation	Average Snow
Jul 1	59°	86°	48° (1955)	103° (1987)	0.01″	NA
Jul 2	59°	86°	43° (1962)	98° (1967)	0.01″	NA
Jul 3	59°	87°	45° (1962)	102° (1970)	0.01″	NA
Jul 4	60°	87°	48° (1976)	105° (1975)	0.01″	NA
Jul 5	60°	87°	47° (1964)	103° (1975)	0.01″	NA
Jul 6	60°	88°	45° (1962)	106° (1968)	0.01″	NA
Jul 7	60°	88°	42° (1971)	105° (1968)	0.01″	NA
Jul 8	60°	88°	45° (1981)	102° (1970)	0.01″	NA
Jul 9	60°	88°	49° (1983)	105° (1975)	0.01″	NA
Jul 10	60°	89°	47° (1972)	106° (1975)	0″	NA
Jul 11	61°	89°	50° (1973)	103° (1975)	0″	NA
Jul 12	61°	89°	46° (1950)	104° (1990)	0″	NA
Jul 13	61°	89°	49° (1974)	107° (1990)	0″	NA
Jul 14	61°	89°	50° (1969)	106° (2002)	0″	NA
Jul 15	61°	89°	46° (1982)	104° (1987)	0″	NA
Jul 16	61°	90°	45° (1982)	102° (1996)	0.01″	NA
Jul 17	61°	90°	49° (1949)	107° (1960)	0.01″	NA
Jul 18	61°	90°	49° (1957)	107° (1979)	0.01″	NA
Jul 19	62°	90°	45° (1966)	105° (1979)	0.01″	NA
Jul 20	62°	90°	52° (1950)	107° (1979)	0.01″	NA
Jul 21	62°	90°	50° (1949)	108° (1979)	0.01″	NA
Jul 22	62°	90°	49° (1952)	105° (1994)	0.01″	NA
Jul 23	62°	91°	48° (1948)	107° (2006)	0.01″	NA
Jul 24	62°	91°	49° (1964)	109° (2006)	0.01″	NA
Jul 25	62°	91°	50° (1952)	105° (1994)	0.01″	NA
Jul 26	62°	91°	49° (1969)	105° (1984)	0.01″	NA
Jul 27	62°	91°	52° (1976)	108° (1998)	0.01″	NA
Jul 28	62°	91°	48° (1954)	108° (1998)	0.01″	NA
Jul 29	62°	91°	47° (1954)	108° (1998)	0.01″	NA
Jul 30	62°	91°	52° (1969)	105° (1971)	0.01″	NA
Jul 31	62°	91°	50° (1953)	107° (1971)	0.01″	NA

Decades that daily July records were set:

1960’s – 4

1970’s – 13

1980’s – 3

1990’s – 8

2000’s – 3

2010’s – 0

As long as my Basin City experiences don’t get hotter than they did in the 70’s, I’m not going to buy into all the controls, lines, fines, taxes and fees the Warmers are pushing.

I’ll probably still keep watching Tim just because he’s such a nice guy.