Recovering Idiot "Buy The Book"

Everyone who's bent needs a place to vent. This is my place.

My son-in-law Jake spends a lot of time in the water closet.

Which of the following numbered statements are true about Jake?


  1. Jake just discovered and can’t get enough of the aroma wafting from the top of his easy chair.
  2. Jake is looking in the wrong place for the toilet paper.
  3. Jake is worried he doesn’t have enough toilet paper for his next event.
  4. Jake had just a little bit too much fun at a party the night before.
  5. Jake has no clue where the business end of the toilet is.
  6. Jake’s mom never taught him how to properly use the John.
  7. Jake is checking on his pet goldfish and wondering what it means when it floats with its belly up.
  8. Jake is just checking on his pet goldfish. All 78 of them.
  9. Jake’s wife told him to pick up some fish for dinner.
  10. Jake is the head CPA of an international multi-billion dollar electronics firm. He dreams of being a plumber.
  11. Jake has the mindset of an ostrich. He thinks by staying in this position his wife won’t find him.
  12. All of the above.
  13. None of the above.

Actually, the first part of #10 is the only answer that passes muster.

By the way, I must say that Jake is a wonderful son-in-law. Our kids and their spouses are all over-the-top-of-our-expectations. What a huge difference that makes in the lives of parents who are watching their kids and grand kids lives unfold.

Before last year, all I knew is that Jake was an accountant. After some pointed questions, I learned he heads a team of accountants where he works. After a few more prying questions, I learned one of his responsibilities is helping with acquisitions. He said they regularly buy up companies. I asked what the purchase price of the last acquisition was. He said something like 2.3 billion.

Seemed like a lot to me. So what in the heck is he doing at home working on his leaky toilet? Shouldn’t he be at work writing out checks?

I told Jake that he should look into buying out my little company for a few mill. I doubt that anyone would even notice. Except me.

Speaking of big money, I keep hearing from people that they don’t think I’m actually going to give somebody 500 bucks in my little contest.

This astounds me! Just because I crack a few jokes along the way doesn’t mean I’m kidding concerning my promise to pay out the first eligible drawn follower.

In fact, I wish a winner would show up to collect the cash so I can move on to a new blog contest.

To tell you the truth, this cash contest has been a fun promotion. Aside from my wife not being happy about the dent it’s going to make in her purse, we’ve picked up a lot of followers while at the same time racking up a long list of not-quite winners.

If you read a few posts back, I loaned my Corvette out to a friend for a few days. Since then, I’ve had a minimum of 20 people come up and ask me if I would loan them my Corvette. I always say “Sure”.

And so I’ve preliminarily decided that my next contest will be loaning out my Vette (with a couple of safety strings attached similar to any rental agreement to halfway protect me) for a week.

I’ll probably forego drawing from my Facebook friends and just draw the name of one of my blog followers. This way I don’t have to wade through a bunch of ineligible winners like this contest has produced. I’m planning on other little drawings along the  way to keep things interesting and exciting for my blog followers.

The moral of this story is this: Become a blog follower and you have a decent chance of cool stuff landing on your doorstep.

The other night at the high school football game I was talking to a couple of friends. In the interest of anonymity, let’s call them Brian and…oh I don’t know, how about Jennifer? Brian’s wife Jennifer wondered if they could do something to swing the blog contest their way so they could pocket the $500.

I told them no.

Brian’s reply was that he was going to give up on my blog contest and enter the Publisher’s Clearing House contest. I guess he thought if he went the PCH avenue, he could do something to get  them to swing the grand prize their way.

I laughed and said that if he did that, I could guarantee there was no way he was ever going to win my contest, even if I drew his name multiple times.

But to be honest, even if he does do PCH thing, I’m not going to dump him if he’s eligible. When and if he manages to win my little blog contest, I’ll pay up. The odds of him winning my contest is more than 1 in two thousand. The odds of him winning the PCH contest is 1 in one hundred eighty two million.

PCH draws once a year. I draw once a week.

After I informed him of the odds, Brian assured me he was going to stick with my contest. He apologized and begged my forgiveness for even mentioning my competitor’s name.

Check the menu to find and follow the easy rules to be eligible for this giveaway.

6 Replies to “My son-in-law Jake spends a lot of time in the water closet.”

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