Short & Hot Post

I’m a little hot. Who isn’t in July?

Every night on the news they talk about the weather like it’s never been this bad before. The world is heating up so badly we should elect liberals so they can cool it off.

Even the local news makes a big deal out of temps. Every night it’s like “We are approaching record temperatures across our area!!!!!” It’s just not true. Why don’t they just say “Well, it’s been another average day?”

Take our local weather man Tim Adams. I know he needs to make the weather exciting so they can sell ads. I guess in order to keep the ratings up, he has to shoot for the stars which must be located at the very top of the thermometer. Tim’s a nice guy. Too nice.

Instead of standing up to his boss and saying “For once, I am not going to tell our viewers that we are breaking all kinds of heat records across the Columbia Basin. I’ve been doing that since Obama got elected and it’s just hot air. No, I’m just going to do what’s right and say ‘It’s been another average day. Sorry folks, that’s all I’ve got.”

Like I said, Tim is a nice guy. I know this because he managed the college apartment complex I lived in back in 1976 called the Elms. 42 years ago never once did I hear Tim say “Well, Ben I can see we’re going to have another hot record breaking day today.”

Never once. Now I hear it every night.

When I hear these doomsday predictions about the heat, I scratch my head. I remember the summer of ’68 when I just about bit the big one and it was hot. Bona Fide Hot.

I was in traction and a body cast all summer. You don’t know what hot is until you spend the warmest days of summer sweltering inside a cast from your nips to your toe tips.

I have no idea why I was smiling.

Maybe it’s because back then, the experts said we were in danger of global cooling.

Check out the record highs and tell me the high temperatures of July 6 and 7th. They were record breakers up to this very day. They occurred in 1968 while I was in the plaster straight jacket.

Sit ups were impossible. I was in a straightened-out position for almost two months. If my ankle was itched, I ran a hanger down my cast and moved the other end of the straightened-out hanger located at chest level. That was the only way I could get relief in the ankle area. Not only did the body cast make it hotter than a jalapeno but it also made it harder for a BM. And I’m not talking about Ben and Michele.

Decades that daily July records were set:

1960’s – 4

1970’s – 13

1980’s – 3

1990’s – 8

2000’s – 3

2010’s – 0

As long as my Basin City experiences don’t get hotter than they did in the 70’s, I’m not going to buy into all the controls, lines, fines, taxes and fees the Warmers are pushing.

I’ll probably still keep watching Tim just because he’s such a nice guy.